Wednesday, April 6, 2011

A few thoughts on something totally not makeup related (about relationships)

This post gets kinda personal, so if that's not something you care about then I would probably skip reading this haha.

Ok guys, I going to admit something to you... I watch Teen Mom on MTV haha.  I like that show a lot.  I don't know if it's because I got pregnant with my daughter when I was 19 or what it is, I just like to watch that show.  So last night the Teen Mom 2 finale was on where they all come back and talk to Dr. Drew.  And they were all pretty much how I expected them to be... except Chelsea. (Here's a link to the episode, she comes on at about 23:00 but the main part I'll be talking about starts at about 31:00 ).

Her baby daddy, Adam, is such a tool.  He seems to be around when he wants something but not when Chelsea needs something or if she needs something for their daughter (Aubrey).  He cheats on her and then basically tells her to get over it.  He's sooo rude to her father even though her father does so much for Chelsea and Aubrey.  The way he treats her is abusive and she makes excuses for him.  Watching this stirred something up in me.

A long time ago I was in a bad relationship.  Now, being in a good relationship, I can see that it was indeed an abusive relationship.  I was young, insecure, and it was my first relationship.  I clearly remember walking by a Victoria's Secret store, he looked up at the picture of Adriana Lima in the window and said, "why can't you look like that?".  He would always tell me about these women he thought were hot.  One time we were at my parent's house and I took a nap in my room and he was on the computer in the den.  Later that day, he had gone home and I went to get on the computer, there was porn up.  In my parent's house. Nice, right?  And when I tried to talk to him about it, he yelled at me and said, "I really think you're crazy.  Like there's something wrong with you."  That's something he would say to me anytime I'd get upset about something he was doing, that there was something wrong with me and I was crazy.  When we would go out to eat, I would ALWAYS pay.  I always paid for everything.  I always drove everywhere.  He was rude to my parents, especially my dad (because my dad is quite opinionated and speaks his mind).

But enough about that, I get frustrated with myself for allowing myself to stay in that relationship.  Now I have the best husband.  I am allowed to say what I think and how I feel even if it's something he disagrees with.  He never yells at me or tells me there's something wrong with me.  He makes me feel beautiful even though I still have insecurities.  I never feel like I'm supposed to look, or talk, or act a certain way.  I'm allowed to be who I am and he loves me all the same.  We still argue and get mad at one another but we don't say mean things to one another, sometimes we just have to agree to disagree.  Sometimes I have quite an opinion on things and I tell him, "you created this monster, where I say what I think".  And then I thank him for that because I know how it was to not be able to say or think or feel or even look the way I wanted to.  My husband has built me up in myself enough to make me feel strong.

When I see people in an abusive relationship, I'm strong enough to tell them that it's not ok for them to be treated like that.  It breaks my heart when I see people I love (and even people I don't know) not loving themselves enough to know that they deserve better.  They'll say, "well, he's not always like that" or they'll tell me about something nice he did.  Doing something nice one time doesn't make someone a good person.  My sister-in-law is in the worst, most abusive relationship I've ever seen and even her boyfriend does nice things every once in a while.

I just want to encourage anybody out there who might be in a bad relationship.  Trust me, they're not all like that.  The right person will build you up and never make you feel like you need to be like someone else.  They'll love you for who you are.  You just need to love yourself enough to feel like you deserve it because you do.


  1. This is so inspirational and so sweet! I am so sorry you had to go through that abusive relationship but I am so happy you have your husband and daughter! Your a wonderful person :) Continue inspiring people!

  2. I think guys who mistreat their girlfriends, wives, fiances or vise versa are truly insecure people THEMSELVES! They tear the other person down because it makes them feel good to know that there is someone else around them that feels just as bad, if not worse...also, you have to look at the relationships that they were raised around and are currently around such as the relationship between their mother and father or their own relationship with their parents...we, as parents, have a HUGE impact on our kids' lives, from babies into adulthood, so how we handle the relationships in our lives, is the exact same way they'll handle theirs...and sometimes, without even knowing it, we've ruined them before they've ever had a chance...its difficult to truly love, if you've never seen, experienced, or even known what love is. Its a vicious cycle.

  3. After saying all of that...sorry touchy subject :)...I will say that I feel for both people in the relationship..they are two people who are hurting...but there is HOPE. Things can, will, and do get better!

  4. Phenomenal post, admirable courage to post it!

  5. What an amazing post. I'm so happy that you have such a wonderful husband! The person you are with is supposed to "make" you a better you...bring out the best in you. Unfortunately, it took me two failed marriages to realize that. I was also in an abusive relationship and am incredibly thankful that I'm no longer in that situation. I, like you, have found someone that brings out the best in me, who thinks I'm beautiful from the inside out and most importantly is my best friend. I love that you shared this with us!

  6. @Girtastic: Thank you so much, even if this helps one person even think about getting out of a bad relationship, I've done my part.
    @Meme: you're totally right. It's definitely an insecurity thing. And we have to do the best to show our kids the right way to love and be loved. I hope I can raise my daughter so she knows that she's worthy of real love.
    @Amalia: thank you, I debated not posting it
    @Danisaddiction: I'm so glad that you're in a good relationship now!! Isn't it like a weight has been lifted? You are beautiful and I'm glad you've found someone who lets you know that!